MARRIAGE: DO WIVES ALSO BEGS FOR SEX?

Credit: PunditAfrica

In many instances, the issue of sexual dissatisfaction is treated as a male problem or issue: it is the man who is never sexually satisfied; he is the one who is always asking for more sex, and yet never satisfied. And as a result, the emphasis is on how to ensure sexual satisfaction for the man.

However, the truth of the matter is that wives also cry for sex. I mean, more sex. Many wives are dying on the inside, craving for more sex from their husbands. They wish their husbands had more time for sexual activities with them; that their husbands had more power packed into their manhood to ensure greater pleasure; that their sex life is above the ordinary; that their husbands do not turn down so often, their sexual requests.

How did I come about this assertion? I talk to wives regularly; wives cry to us - my husband and I - complaining of lack of sexual satisfaction; I also receive feedback from husbands who say that their wives complain about not being sexually satisfied by them.

I can recall an incident of many years ago, when a wife came to us in the night to complain of the inability of her husband to take her to climax sexually. According to her, the problem was that her husband could not maintain erection long enough to produce sexual pleasure. He was always discharging as soon as he entered her. So, he’d set her on and then dash her hope when he was unable to make her orgasm.

Cases also abound where many husbands are workaholics, with little time for their wives and families. They provide all the good things of life for their families, but fail to provide sexual satisfaction for their wives. This extract from the book, The Sex-Starved Marriage, by Michele Weiner-Davis drives home this point: “I have a husband who is a good guy, great father, good provider, but I have no lover. I’m angry about the wasted years, the years I could have been loving, but spent agonising about why I was being deprived. It’s so much more than sex. It’s feeling wanted, and sexy and desired by the man that you are committed to for life.’’

 Men who fall into this category are politicians holding public offices, ministers of the gospel, chief executives of public and private organisations, among others.

The danger in the situation of the wives crying for more sex is rather grave than we may imagine. When one considers the rate of infidelity among wives today, one may not be far from the truth to state that lack of sexual satisfaction is a major contributory factor. Michelle also states in her book, ‘’This lack of sex is more than just a lack of physical attention... It goes deep into a woman’s heart. I think in a normal marriage, a couple can fight about anything, but then they can make love and soothe the bad feelings... sort of like a rebirth.. a forgiving ritual. But when you are deprived of even that, bitterness and resentment and desperation accumulate.”

In case you want to cite economic reasons for such unimaginable level of wives’ infidelity, what about wives of rich, influential and well-to-do husbands sleeping around, even with office and domestic staff? Do you see what I mean?

Weiner-Davis is also of the opinion that wives cry for more sex. This is expressed as follows in the book: “And if you’ve been thinking that low sexual desire is only “a woman’s thing”, think again. Many sex experts believe that low sexual desire in men is America’s best kept secret. Just read what women have to say about what really goes on behind closed doors.

“I am so tired of reading articles in women’s magazines and watching talk shows that perpetuate the myth that men are always more interested in sex than women. This is a bunch of hooey! There are many, many women who would love to have a spouse who wants to have sex, touch or kiss. I’ve spoken to many women who have this same problem... Their husbands simply aren’t interested. I can not believe my circle of friends is so different from the average. None of their husbands are “getting it on the side”...they simply are not interested. In my case, my husband of 26 years has never been as interested as I in sex, and during the last 5 years our sex life has been nonexistent.”

Where does this truth that wives also cry for more sex lead us?

It places on us, husbands and wives, the need to begin considering how to help such wives as we pay attention to achieving sexual satisfaction for husbands. We should no longer treat in isolation, the husbands’ desire for more sex. Let us also focus on the need of the sex-starved wives. It will help to save many marriages from the agonies of infidelity, heartaches, and even divorce in the worst situation. We can no longer treat with levity the cry of wives for more sex. And the starting point is realising that it is a major issue in marriage these days.

A woman, because of her tender nature, should not be emotionally taken for granted for long. Otherwise, she may find the tempter lurking around irresistible. And many such tempers abound these days. Let me close this piece with this quote from the book, Tess of the d’Urbervilles by Thomas Hardy, “a woman should not be  tempted beyond what she can bear. ..constant dropping will wear even a stone.’’

In response to readers’ request, Bosede Ola-Samuel have packaged some of her previous articles into a book with the title: ENJOYING GREAT SEXLIFE. You can call her on 08112658560 or 08100031343 for the book.