MARRIAGE: THINK LIKE A WIVE BUT ACT LIKE A SEXY MISTRESS

Wives should learn how to be their husbands’ mistresses in order to keep the marriage secure. This is not to say that it is their sole responsibility to keep the marriage; rather, it is to enable them to play their own part in keeping their marriages. I am a strong advocate that a woman has all it takes to keep her marriage. All that she requires is the will. Once there is the will, there will be a way.

Being great emotional beings, women are wired to be great lovers. So, it should not be difficult for a woman to love and express her love as it is the sustenance of every marriage. Every wife should endeavor to be her husband’s lover. When this is achieved, her husband will have no need of a mistress.

Unfortunately, many wives are content with being just that in the marriage. That is why all that takes her attention before marriage is how to be happily married: she dreams it, craves for it, dissipates energy on securing a husband, and when she succeeds in getting married, she becomes satisfied being the wife. How do wives operate? Cook, care for the house, husband, and the children. This should not be the case if her best in the marriage must come out. That is, if she will be able to give her best and at the same time, get the best of her husband.

Below is an extract from a write up Bring back that pre-marriage spark by following the mistress code of conduct By Gaye Christmus. I believe it will help wives to think and act as a mistress and lover to their husbands.

“For many women, the term “lover” conjures up images of a mistress, a woman who’s engaged in a wild fling, or a character in a romance novel. And sometimes, women wish they could do the things she’s doing, say the things she’s saying and experience some of the excitement she’s feeling—in other words, be somebody’s lover. Fortunately, you can be your husband’s lover. You can enjoy a steamy sex life with your husband —the anticipation, the excitement, the intimacy—all wrapped up in the security of love and commitment.

 But, stepping into the role of the lover can require a bit of effort. You may have embraced it early in marriage, but then let it slide. Or maybe you allowed other roles—mom, teacher, chauffeur, employee, daughter, friend—to push it aside. Or maybe you just never really got comfortable with the idea of being a lover. Whatever your situation, you can embrace and relish this sensual, sexual part of your life, in the following ways:

Make space in your life

Busyness is the enemy of the lover. If you’re running from one commitment to another — all day, every day — you won’t have time or energy to invest in becoming a lover. You’ll replace what author Esther Perel refers to as “erotic energy” with “domestic energy”—a singular focus on children, chores, tasks and to-do lists. So, determine to make sex a priority by creating space and margins around your life, in order to allow it to flourish. It won’t be easy—you’ll probably have to make decisions and take steps that disrupt your normal routine. It may involve rearranging your family’s schedule, saying no or disappointing some people, but it will be worth it.

 Envision yourself as a lover

Chances are, some of the roles you’re juggling — wife, mom, employee, cook, chauffeur, referee — are crowding out an equally important and even more pleasurable role—lover. So, practise thinking of yourself as a sexual person; a woman who enjoys sex and intimacy.

 Do things that promote that frame of mind—take time to relax and unwind, dress in a way that makes you feel good about your body, listen to sexy music, wear provocative scents or use them in your bedroom. Think about sexual encounters you and your husband have enjoyed in the past and imagine things you might do in the future. Consider e-mailing or texting some of your thoughts to him to get a sexy conversation started. Be conscious of bringing your mind back regularly to the thought that you are a sensual lover.

 Take an active role in your sex life

 As wives, we tend to sit back and let our husbands do most of the work when it comes to sex. The problem with that approach is that it makes us passive, rather than active, participants in our own sex lives. And lovers aren’t passive. So, try switching things up once in a while. Initiate sex sometimes — it helps you develop a sense of control of your own sexuality. Regardless of who initiates, get involved — kiss him passionately, touch him, respond when he touches you, let him know what you want.

Try something new One of the reasons sex thrills us in the beginning is that everything is new and exciting. But as we spend more time together, we fall into a routine and know exactly what to expect, which registers in our brains as “Oh, here comes the same old thing.”

 So, create excitement again by introducing something new every now and then — a new location, a new position, a different time of day, a change in tempo, a toy — anything that’s a bit different for the two of you.

And once in a while, try something that’s new and slightly outside your comfort zone. Because lovers are a little bit adventurous! So, try something you’ve thought you might enjoy or something you know he’d enjoy. Often, doing something unexpected for your husband ends up being exciting for you, too. Just take a step outside your comfort zone and be a little bit more daring. Like a lover.’’